I’ve been off the radar for the last couple months because of mental ups and downs. Training wasn’t going as well as I would have liked. My eating was still decent, but I wasn’t measuring, or tracking my food diligently. I could feel my training and life goals slipping through my fingers. I am that person, when life starts going sideways, I jump on the emotional eating roller coaster and the couch starts looking comfy. This circular behavior was rearing itself until four weeks ago. While friends and family were going through turmoil and suffering because of health and loss, I was here feeling sorry for myself. Why was I feeling discouraged and bitter? Probably because I didn’t have control over my compartmentalized, organized life. Yes, I do believe life dealt me a crappy hand health wise, and various parts of my life are not moving as quickly as I like; result – irritable and impatient. But I have this goal, I have a body that still works – slower than I like, but it still works. And so what if I have fibromyalgia? I could have worse issues than a bit of pain. In the big scheme, I can manage it with my doctor and take a positive approach. I can still do things others can’t. Recently my dad’s doctor told him that his cancer has returned; he has six months to a year to live. However, I don’t hear him moaning; he is just as positive and carrying on as if all was normal. My mom asked him if he’s worried? His reply, “Why should I worry? It doesn’t change anything. I can’t worry about something I don’t know.” And that was the moment. It is his actions and positive outlook that made the light click on for me.
A few days later while moping around the house I remembered Dad’s comment. I said out loud to an empty room, “this is garbage, I need to change how I approach my training and life. How am I supposed to become a Master’s CrossFit athlete and help people with their training and eating needs when I can’t even sort myself out mentally and physically. I can’t get wrapped around the axel every time life starts going off the rails” Later that morning I dusted off the rower, eyed the treadmill, stepped into the garage gym to lift and most importantly returned to the practice of mindfulness. Since rekindling that spark, I have started training and taking a positive approach to my programming and life goals. It has not been easy, as old habits die hard, but I am moving forward.
I have learned some lessons from these past weeks. I am grateful for the events in my life; others have gone through worse. There are reasons to why this is happening, they will present themselves when ready. Finally, what’s that saying? Slow and steady wins the race….or something like that.